i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize