if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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