I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
