shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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