office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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