He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize