mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
