Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
