Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize