they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
