Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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