We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
