I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
