He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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