why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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