please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
