burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
