she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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