His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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