weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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