pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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