And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
