Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
