Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The Olympian is in my bed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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