Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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