That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
