The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You have to summon your inner elephant
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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