so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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