Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
