Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
