Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
