Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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