Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
