I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
