yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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