So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we're so committed to being not committed
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
