I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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