ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
