Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
