last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
3 2 1 whiskey
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i think my cat just said my name.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
