my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
