my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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