Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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