I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize