we're blogging at a bar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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