so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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