arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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