So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
