I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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