Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
