I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
