i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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