Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
