I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
