so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
