2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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