Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
