Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
