I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
