you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize