I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
