Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
