i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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