What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
