everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
