is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
