just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
