Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need moral support for this bender
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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