Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
