yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
