so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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