It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
