I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
