I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
