2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
