Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize