he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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