I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
