I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
