What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
