Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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