TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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