Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
