I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
