actually, I'm a sock model
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
