i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
