Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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