I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
