what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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