come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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