Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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