He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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