Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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