The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
