apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
