Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize