i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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