Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
