now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
